Internet backs mother cutting off 21-year-old daughter for ‘cruel behavior’

A mother has been supported online after making the difficult decision to cut financial ties with her increasingly difficult 21-year-old daughter.

It’s a move that was met with dismay by his extended family but wholeheartedly endorsed on social media.

In an Ohio University study of more than 1,000 mothers estranged from their adult children, 62.4% said their child’s mental health – whether anxiety, addiction , depression or alcoholism – had played a role in the estrangement.

Mental health issues certainly seem to have played a role in the situation detailed on Reddit by a user posted as BeaAndZoesBadMom.

According to the post, the woman’s eldest daughter, Zoe, 21, went to therapy following her parents’ bitter divorce and “always tended to be demanding and cruel to others”.

Her mother said she had “tried every resource available” to address Zoe’s issues, including encouraging her to channel her emotions into positive outlets like kickboxing. However, her daughter quit therapy at the age of 18, calling it a “waste of time” and largely gave up activities that helped her mental state.

Until recently, she lived “rent-free” with her mother and stepfather who paid for her education, car, phone and all other expenses. “Zoe refuses to help around the house,” her mother wrote. “Asking Zoe to do any little chore turns into Zoe yelling and swearing while I have to defuse.”

BeaAndZoesBadMom said Zoe thought she was ‘entitled’ to her parents’ money and was angry with them for trying to save money for her younger sister Bea’s college education, although it itself benefits from the same financial support.

The mum said she had been warning Zoe “for weeks” to treat the family with more respect. The straw that broke the camel’s back came when Zoe started complaining to her sister about having to put a frozen meal in the oven for her stepdad Tim, calling it “fucking useless”. Tim is a cancer survivor who earlier this year completed a round of chemotherapy.

“Hearing Zoe say that about the man who supported and nurtured her and was a father to her when her biological father didn’t care was my breaking point,” the mother said. The next time she saw Zoe, she told her she had a month to move out and that she should start paying for her own car and insurance.

“We won’t pay anything anymore,” she said. “Tim and I will no longer be treated like ATMs and burdens while providing everything to her. If she wants to act like she’s a know-it-all adult, then we’ll treat her like one and let her support herself.”

Although she expects Zoe to end up living with her grandparents, the woman said her sister criticized her approach, calling her ‘the worst person she’s ever met’ for turning her back his family.

However, the response on Reddit was quite different.

Nif824 said: “I hope this is a wake-up call for her on how to deal with others. She may have trauma to deal with, but as she grows up she will realize that almost everyone has her. did…and that doesn’t give you an excuse to mistreat people.”

A1sauc3d added, “Being traumatized doesn’t give you the right to traumatize others. When you’re still a child, that’s understandable. But when you become an adult, it’s your responsibility to resolve and control your issues. “

Electrical-Date-3951, meanwhile, wrote: “There comes a time when you have to take responsibility for your own actions. She doesn’t want to lift a finger, doesn’t want to help and feels entitled to be everything .handed him.”

Elsewhere, Admirable-Judgement said: “You’ve invested more time, money and emotion than anyone could reasonably expect…and it wasn’t enough for him to show a modicum of civility towards you and your husband.”

Psychotherapist Sharon Martin has acknowledged that while it’s never easy to sever ties with a child, it’s important in these situations for parents to be “clear about their boundaries”.

She said: “For example, they should be clear about whether they want no contact, less contact, only a specific form of contact, or have a cooling off period for a certain period of time.”

Martin said they should also “avoid ultimatums or threats that they have no intention of following through on.”

“If they want to leave the door open for reconciliation, they need to point out what the problematic behaviors are, be specific and give examples,” she said. “Then indicate what corrective action is necessary for waiver to be an option.”