A man has said in a now viral post that he doesn’t want to share his legacy with his sister after years of estrangement.
Posting to Reddit’s ‘Am I The A**hole’ (AITA) forum under the username u/tigerprawns123, the man said he and his sister were close as children. However, his sister cut off contact with him and their parents after he graduated from high school because their parents did not react well to his homosexuality. Now, nearly two decades later, he’s made contact with his sister, but she doesn’t want to make up for lost time, she just wants to discuss the legacy.
The post garnered over 9,000 upvotes and nearly 3,000 comments from Redditors who felt that u/tigerprawns123 was right not to want to share his legacy with his sister. But the experts said Newsweek that talking and sharing the inheritance could be a way for u/tigerprawns123 to reconcile with his sister.
In his post, u/tigerprawns123 said it was “difficult” for him to lose his sister, as she “used to look after” him and “encouraged him [him] talk to girls and go beyond [his] social circle.”
He tried to contact his sister several times over the years, but was met with “radio silence”, so he finally gave up.
“I blamed my parents for this and resented them for a long time,” u/tigerprawns123 wrote. “But we reconciled when my mother was diagnosed with cancer six years ago and died a year later.”
u/tigerprawns123’s relationship with his father only grew stronger after his mother passed away. So his dad made a will and bequeathed all that stuff to u/tigerprawns123.
“About a month after [my father] passed away, my sister reached out to me for the first time in years, hoping to have a conversation,” said u/tigerprawns123. “I thought she wanted to fix the fences…but as soon as we we met, she mentioned the inheritance and wanted her share. »
Upset that his sister didn’t want to fix their relationship, u/tigerprawns123 chose not to share the inheritance. Now he feels “awful”.
In the comments section of his post, he asked, “Was I wrong to turn her down because she dumped me and never gave me a good reason?”
What the experts say
Dr. Geoffrey Greif, a professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work, believes that u/tigerprawns123 should share the inheritance with his sister, as it is their parents’ “steadfastness” that will chased away. He also said it could “open up the possibility of reconciliation.”
“I think it’s wrong to deny her what would have been given to her if she hadn’t been opened up and then rejected. It was their parents’ closed-mindedness that pushed her away,” Greif said. Newsweek. “Why wouldn’t she have access to what was denied to her because of their prejudices about her sexual orientation? … if he shares it, it could also open up the possibility of reconciliation, which can send a message powerful to either of their children (if they have any) about the importance of forgiveness and family relationships.”
Dr. Karen Gail Lewis, a fraternal therapist, also said the legacy offered u/tigerprawns123 an opportunity to reconcile with her sister. However, she said reconciliation can only be achieved if the two siblings “come together” and acknowledge that their parents “hurt” them both with willpower.
“You would think that the two [siblings] would say, ‘How can mom and dad do this [to us]?’” Lewis said Newsweek. “But it’s only when siblings can come together and understand that they’re both affected, both ‘hurt’ by the dead parent” that they can reconnect.
To do this, Lewis advises the two siblings to sit down together and say, “Look at this [our parents] did us. They put us in this position, and it’s not just because we loved each other.”
Despite what the pundits have to say, many Redditors think u/tigerprawns123 is right to deny his sister a part of their parents’ inheritance.
“NTA [not the a**hole] on the grounds that she reconnected for the sole purpose of asking for money after cutting off contact with the family. whether her reasons for cutting contact were justified or not (and yes, she was justified in cutting parental contact, but it included you who were beyond reproach), the fact remains that the legacy is yours to do with. please,” said u/mohagthemoocow.
u/notemilydickenson added, “NTA — you’ve made multiple efforts to reconnect with her over the years, which she wasn’t interested in. She only contacted you about the money, and I don’t blame you for it. your choice.”
Newsweek contacted u/tigerprawns123 for comment.
More viral posts
A couple sparked an online debate last month after they admitted refusing to pay their son’s school fees after he came out as gay.
Redditors have backed a teenage girl who, also last month, said she contacted her birth father after learning she was the product of an affair.
And in mid-September, commentators backed a man who told his younger siblings about their mother’s secret affair, causing them to hate her.
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